Wednesday, July 28, 2010

10 Observations from the Reformed Faceyholic..

My recent attempt to get off facebook written about 2months ago.. Still battling the addiction but at least I've culled my 16 Scrabble games a day + 2 hours of bejeweled habit down to nothing.. I just eat more now...Grrrr.

Number One. I was and still remain the absolute guru-swami, ninja, Ghandi, She-ra goddess of bejeweled. You know it and I know it and as long as i’m off the applications, that’s the ONLY way you’ll be seeing your name at no 1 instead of mine.. Enjoy it until my great comeback which will be 10times bigger that John Farnhams 7th Final Last Show EVAH TOUR!!!

Number Two: See Number one but insert “Collapse” instead of Bejeweld and there you have it. Again.. Cause that how the ambi-dexti-gamers like me roll…

Number Three: My facebook status updates were more often than not, thinly veiled judgements or criticisms (my gosh how many s‘s’s does that damn word have!) and it’s a shame now that I’ve deleted all those “friends” they’ll never know that it was them that I was judging or criticizing.. Sharron… FYI.. If you have enough energy to boot up your puter, type in the password and string 250 characters together, you’ve got enough energy to take a fricken panadol and stick your headache and hemorrhoids up your butt IN PRIVATE..

Number Four: It becomes waaaay easier to judge people from afar when you see the groups that they join.. People.. “I reeally like touching Rabbits” might be okay if your 4yrs old and holding a Rabbit but Adults? ... Consider you judged = some queer pervert.

Number Five: People who pointed out my typos pissedd me orf.. Oh thsat’s right - you’ll never know cause I deleted you…

Number Six: On facebook, I was stunning.. Dn’t believe me - check it out! There’s not one ugly or unflattering photo of me, my kids or the hubbie. That’s right people - I’m this happy and good looking ALL the time. ALL of the time DAMMIT!!

Number Seven: It takes a looong time to really get to know Facebook like I did. Friends would ring me up to get them started and I’d get to try out my Indian accent in my adopted role as “Tech Support.” I’d even drop the phone, zone out during the conversation (because I was SLAMMIN a HUGE bejeweled score) and occasionally just hang up to really get into my “method” acting. They’d always ring bacl though - cause they knew i would point their little cursors in the right direction, hear their begrudging thanks and say “Please Come Again” knowing they would. Ahhhhh.. It was great knowing just about everything....

Number Eight: It was a great way to fill in time when my mum calls.. We had a routine, she called, I would load up bejeweled,“Hmm? Uh ha Uh ha - oh no! hmm?” and then HA Karen Thompson Take that I win!! Oh sorry Mum - yesss? Oh NO!” Now it’s like - oh hi mum! Really? SIX centimeters of rain!? Well. Fascinating. Yes I heard. No he didn’t what’s that? Hmm? What! SIX centimeters of rain!?! Well..” ............. I actually have to listen now. It’s fun. really.. soooo much better than bejeweled...heaps.
Number Nine: Sarcasm never really translated for me on Facebook which is a shame as it’s one of my most valued assets.. I saved it for peoples useless updates.. “I made myself some toast this morning and it was perfectly brown on both sides.” To which i would write "Wow!" See - there it was! Did you get it? Try adding these words to it - you’re a dickhead.. NOW you get it !... Facey definitely needed a DISLIKE button and a TOOL button. I should patent that.

Number Ten: I really do miss facey and some of the folks I made myself cull.. They keep popping up “Reconnect with Justin” “Send a message to Jess” Justin I feel we connected at MITRE 10 didn’t we!!!??!! - Jess I’ll CALL you I SWEAR but by the power of Grayskull I say NOOOOO FACEBOOK!!!
Besides, know if i go back,,, well,,,, my dad just might kill himself as I think he’s finally made it to the top of the bejeweled chart this week.. .. But for how long???

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